Ripples of Loss: Cousin Bella’s Story-Through the Eyes of a Child

None of this was supposed to happen. At least that’s how I felt, and still feel. Jake was born on April 1st, 2014. That’s his birthday. It will be a hard day to face. I feel like the day is quite ironic. April first is a day where people laugh and make jokes and pranks. This year, there won’t be any of that.

 Jake’s passing was really hard for me. I cried an awful lot. I felt that what happened was unfair and I still do at times but, I know God does everything for a reason. I often thought of what that reason is. Why didn’t he give Jake to us? All I ever came up with was that maybe Jake serves a bigger purpose. But thinking that didn’t help me come to terms with the fact that I would never hear him laugh, or get to play with him.

 It’s been really tough for me and I think the hardest part has been the days where I’ve felt as though people were forgetting him. I know he will never be forgotten but sometimes I feel mad.  I don’t want people to be stuck in that moment, I want them to be happy too but, I also don’t want to move on. I know I have to and in some ways I have but it really hurts me and I don’t know why. I spent a lot of time wondering why I was so affected by this and it hit me. He was family. Even though I never saw him, or hugged him, or talked to him, he was family; he is family.

 I feel as though I never got to say goodbye but I never got to say hello. So I want to say; “Hello Jake, and goodbye.” Here’s a poem, with certain people in mind;

 “You are my ocean, I am your boat.

Without you, I could not stay afloat.

And you are my friend, as I am yours,

Now I seek help and safety at your shores.”

-Isabella DiGesare, age 13

This came to me in a dream and I believe it was Jake talking to me, telling me it’s okay to cry but I have people who need me and people I need too.

 Jake you will never be forgotten and your story will touch many. And who knows? Maybe that’s his purpose. His purpose was to give a story. A story that may change lives, a story that will never be forgotten. And that’s what everyone wants right? A story that will help people, to be told over and over, to bring hope to someone who needs it. Jake isn’t just a story, he’s a little boy.

bella

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