My husband Bret and I met in 2006 and fell quickly in love over the summer in Hampton Bays, New York. I was a bit of a gypsy back then, traveling wherever my heart led me. He was a flattering military man home on leave. We spent countless hours and days on the beaches, exploring what time we had together until he had to return to his unit out-of-state and then to Iraq. Letter after letter came from overseas. Our love was nothing short of a fairy tale. We were married two years later in September 2008. We had the entire world ahead of us, so madly in love and I could barely wait to get a bun in the oven.
We began trying just one year after we were married. It took ten long months but finally, we conceived our first baby. We lost our sweet little one to a miscarriage at nine weeks. Just two months later we lost another baby at six weeks. And my world quickly came crashing down. It took a year to climb out of that depression and another four years to conceive again. We saw several specialists during this time, test after test, drug after drug, procedure after procedure. But finally, our dream became a reality in October 2013. We finally conceived our sweet boy Jake after our third IUI. And we finally got our answers, so we thought. Bret was diagnosed with anti-sperm antibodies. Basically his sperm, although healthy in form, developed antibodies against itself making it near impossible for us to conceive naturally. But it’s okay…because we did, even if we needed a little help.
After a close to perfect pregnancy we lost our perfectly healthy son at 28 weeks gestation in utero due to an umbilical cord accident. My husband flew home from Afghanistan and we delivered our stillborn precious and adored son, Jake Edward. My heart completely broke that day but my soul has become more and more alive.
Three IUI’s later, we conceived again giving us the hope we so desperately needed. Then our fourth baby died at 10 weeks for no known reason. Our next journey of genetic testing began and I was then diagnosed with two genetic mutations which both affect pregnancy-MTHFR & Factor II (Thrombophilia). Since then, we have suffered another loss at just 5 weeks. This resulted in us finding that I also have Hashimotos Disease, a thyroid autoimmune disorder. Our story finally took a beautiful turn in October 2015 when we learned we were expecting, quite unexpectedly. Our healthy full term baby was born in June 2017 after a lot of close monitoring and medication management. God is so faithful. She is here. She is alive. She has hope written all over her.
This is our story of grief, reckless love and unfailing faith. Thank you for being a part of our journey. If you are here because you have lost a child at any age or a baby at any stage of pregnancy, I want you to know that you have a safe place to pour your heart. Please contact me if you need another parent who understands. We will continue to find hope after hope together.