Hopeful Readers…Amy is extraordinary person, mother, wife and friend. She continues to grieve with me through my losses and honor her baby in heaven even after another successful pregnancy. Thank you for sharing your story Amy.
My story begins in 2008 when my husband and I married. After deployments to Iraq, he was finally home for a while and we decided to start a family. With a strong family history of PCOS, I was not confident everything was going to happen perfectly. However, I was pregnant a few months after trying and Bailey was born April 2011, after a perfect healthy pregnancy. When Bailey was two, we decided it was time for our second one.
This time, things were different. It took several months for me to conceive. The positive pregnancy test came at an exciting time in our lives, as we had also just found out my husband had made Chief. Things were looking perfect in our little world. Around week six, I had some minor spotting and cramping but chucked it up to the fact I had a very busy day at work and maybe just did too much. I rested and stayed in bed and things got back to normal. Then week ten came, and the same thing happened. Of course when you call the doctor they say “unless you are bleeding and filling up a pad, just rest and see if it gets better”. So again that is what I did, and it indeed got better again. By this point I just felt in my heart something wasn’t right but I continued on with a positive attitude.
At week 12, I had my first ultrasound and my fear became a reality. I knew as soon as the midwife looked at her screen that something wasn’t right. She told us I was measuring only 7 weeks along and there was no recognizable fetal activity and no heartbeat. My body had already began to absorb what was left of the pregnancy and I had to go home feeling completely empty all while taking pills to assist my body in riding itself of the little life my husband and I created. Several follow ups happened the days following along with several empty ultrasounds, until finally my body was done miscarrying. It was an experience I never thought would happen to me and I hid from the reality of the pain.
It wasn’t until my due date that I finally opened up about it. I was in the happiest place on earth, Disney world, celebrating Bailey’s 3rd birthday, and I couldn’t fake being “okay” any longer. So on that day I cried, and when people asked me what was wrong, I told them. This was the beginning my healing process and it has allowed me to be a voice for those who are holding back on their grieving. Until I experienced this loss, I never even knew there was a month dedicated to pregnancy and infant loss. I never fully understood the pain others experienced. My goal is to spread awareness about this devastating time and help the world know just how often this happens. I was always so worried about making others uncomfortable or sad by talking about my loss, and I feel awareness is key to helping moms and dads openly talk about their babies that went to heaven to soon.
-In honor of my angel baby